Random things..

Well hello from 4am on a Sunday morning. I’m struggling with the massive time difference at home since returning from Bahrain on Friday, so I thought I’d catch up on some writing rather than lie awake trying to go back to sleep. I have a lot to consider and talk about, so this is likely to be quite long, so make a cuppa, put your feet up and join me in considering life with the sleeve 3 months on.

First of all; my very different relationship with food. This is a biggie and I’m not sure how best to adequately describe it. Prior to getting the sleeve, food was on my mind – all the time. I was either thinking about what to eat, when to eat, buying it, eating it or getting over what I’d eaten, feeling sick because I never listened to my full signals, or did I even get them, I have no idea. In addition to that, I was constantly beating myself up and feeling guilty about it. No more. Now, food doesn’t enter my consciousness until I’m hungry which I guess is how it should be. I don’t think about it, at all really. I’m sure our household spending has reduced significantly as a result. I still need to get the balance right as this obviously means I rarely plan meals, but I will get there.

A few days ago I wrote these points down in the accountability group I started a year ago.

1. I don’t think I really like food anymore. Can’t find anything I really like drinking either.
2. I still do need to eat.
3. I do get hungry.
4. I’ve eaten things unnecessarily in a bid to do something but I don’t know what.
5. Had a cold since last Tuesday and felt shit since it went, so have been eating things trying to get that comfort feeling. Doesn’t work. Eaten chocolate a few times and can say in all honesty I didn’t enjoy it at all. Despite testing it more than once!!
6. I’ve been a lazy bitch since I’ve been here so I’ve probably gained weight.

Let me explain: Point 1. This is interesting, I could quite happily never eat again some days. Food doesn’t sit right all of the time and my tastes have changed so much that I can’t honestly say I love anything in particular. I did enjoy some things in Bali and Bahrain but many days food just doesn’t do it for me anymore. I’m not complaining, but some days it does mess with me a little, given my previously out of balance relationship with food. I also used to drink about 15 cups of tea a day, but this has reduced dramatically and I can only drink a small mug compared to the gigantic ones I used to gulp constantly. I miss mineral water a lot, especially when I am in the tropics as I used to drink it all day and night and plain water, sure it’s fine but some days I don’t like it. Like yesterday I didn’t drink any really.

Point 2. I still do need to eat, I am human after all, but this is now a primal need rather than an emotional, or otherwise need. Weird huh!?

Point 3. Yes I get hungry. It is only then when food comes to mind. Hunger is urgent and needs to be addressed immediately, but it’s short lived. My eyes are definitely bigger than my stomach and no matter what I order or make, I struggle to finish it. Again, not complaining, it’s just going to take time for my mind to catch up with my body.

Point 4. When I was away I ate a few things out of habit, or out of a sense of wanting to try, test or something but it didn’t help, or work.

Point 5. Comfort eating is no longer comfortable. I tested the theory with chocolate several times, after all it was my friend for such a long time, especially when feeling like shit, but it just doesn’t do it for me. Can’t believe this one!

Point 6. Despite sitting on my backside for 2 weeks while away and eating out at least once a day, I didn’t gain, in fact I lost over a kilo. Mind blown.

So all in all, HUGE changes.

Also some really cool things. I bought a few new skirts for my trip – in SMALL/MEDIUM, say what????? I also didn’t hate every single photo that my friend took of me.

I still haven’t got the mindful eating in hand yet, but it will come, maybe.

Here’s a photo of me in Bahrain, next to one that was taken on Christmas Day with my beautiful grandson. I hate this photo so much and had I not had the surgery planned already I would have been hysterical when my daughter in law posted it, but I knew that I would never be that big again. Funny enough, or maybe not, I actually gained a couple of kilos before surgery a few weeks later….In my recent photo I’m feeling good and loving my newly emerging or re-emerging shape. I will definitely need surgery on my arms, but the rest of my body is fine by me. Sure it’s not what it once was, after all I am 50, but I’m happy. Exercise is my next priority and now I’m home, I really need to make it happen to help my body to tone and strengthen.

 

So, that’s it from me for now anyway. If you are considering doing it, don’t wait, make it happen. It will be the best thing you ever did for yourself.

Hungry or full? Learning to slow down.

Sometimes I can’t tell if I’m actually still hungry or if I’m full when eating. My sensations of hunger come from the place they always have, right in the middle of my belly, but the feeling of fullness, comes in the area of my sternum. So sometimes I feel hungry in my stomach, but full up higher if that makes sense. If I eat too much too quickly it is really the difference of just one bite that can push me over the edge and it feels as if the food is right there in the base of my throat. At this point I need to stand and walk around for a bit. Every single time I promise myself it won’t happen again.

My biggest issue right now is learning to eat slowly. I just CANNOT seem to do it. I have scoffed my food for as long as I can remember, no matter what is is or was, I never ever learnt to savour. Scoff, swallow, scoff, swallow to the point of hiccups and not tasting a thing was my usual pattern. This has been my toughest habit to break. I am 9 weeks out, almost 10, so I am used to not eating and drinking at the same time, though I find it hard sometimes, I can do it. But I just can’t seem to slow down. I bought lovely little plates for when I am at home to remind me, but still it eludes me.

I’m in Bali now and am scoffing still. I look at the quantities that other people in the groups I am a member of say they can eat and I feel that it’s highly likely I’m eating too much, due to the fact I eat too fast I expect. As I’m away I have no idea of whether I have lost any weight here or not, but I’m very active here, so it is highly unlikely. I am scared I might stretch my sleeve, but I will chat with my surgeon when I get back as I have a follow up appointment with him next week.

My nemesis is usually the breakfast buffet. Breakfast is my favourite meal on holidays. Each morning I have been starting with a small plate of watermelon, to allow it to digest first and then I’ve been having a boiled egg. Some days I have a little pikelet and a piece of cake as I do love them so much and have a sense of missing out if I don’t have them. Not every day, but most I have done this. One morning I made the mistake of having two of each and a tiny muffin, even though I wasn’t hungry, madness! I had to rush to my room and had what I can only describe to be what I’ve read to be dumping syndrome, I almost didn’t make it. I then had to have a sleep for a while and wound up with a shocking headache. So I know now I really can’t do the carbs that were my friend and companion for so many years.

My doctor warned me to avoid rice and I have been following his advice and not even had my beloved Nasi Goreng which I usually have every day. I had lunch with a friend here the other day who had the sleeve 2 years ago and has lost a staggering 40 kilos. She also said that rice and pasta just aren’t worth it, neither are fizzy drinks. I can easily go without coke, but I usually really love mineral and soda water and when I’m here I typically drink 3-4 cans a day minimum. That’s one thing I would love, but I am not going to risk it, so plain water it is.

On the ridiculously amazingly positive side, my energy levels are incredible! We have been walking about 5-7 kilometres a day, despite the high humidity. Yesterday my Jawbone UP had a little party going on by the end of the day and I screen grabbed it. Clearly I am sleeping very well too, check out my sleep! We were asleep by about 10 and woke around 8 that day. I am feeling better in every way than I ever have in more years than I can recall.

So, all in all life is pretty damn amazing for me right now. Once I get a handle on the mindful eating, I can’t see anything that needs to change. I am excited about continuing to move my body when I get home and continuing to embrace the new vibrant me.

I feel like I am truly living in full colour!

Love and blessings to all of you.

Paper knickers and other NSVs

I am in Bali at the moment, and as I said in my previous post, this is the lightest I have ever been here in the 14 years I have been coming regularly. So far it feels great. I was comfortable on the plane for the first time in forever. I actually wrote a piece last time I flew here which was Christmas Day and I will post that separately, but suffice to say it was a very uncomfortable flight for me. We walked around for over 4.5 hours today easily, despite the humidity and I’m not at all tired. So many good things all round.

My doctor did warn me off rice for the first six months so I won’t be able to indulge in my favourite Nasi Goreng, but there is always next time. I had a few little indulgent bites at the breakfast buffet which were lovely, but nowhere near what I would have had previously. For lunch I had just 4 small chicken sates, they are so delicious and I wanted to finish them but couldn’t.

Some small victories to share which were at the same time rather momentous for me today:

1. I bought two pairs of shorts and a skirt and the ‘one size fits all’ fitted me beautifully. Winning!! One size fits all has never fitted me unless I am tiny. I used to laugh at the concept of one size fits all for western women.
2. I did not feel as if I might die any minute from the extreme heat, and I felt terribly for one larger lady I saw walking with a towel draped around her neck, sweating profusely, bright red and really struggling.
3. I went for a massage and I was able to wear the paper knickers they give you. Let me say that again, I was able to wear the paper knickers they give you at massage places. I have never been able to, they used to tear as soon as I pulled them up. I still did the “take them off, turn them around, no they really are the same either way”, but I wore them. I wanted to do a little happy dance in the spa, so I did one on the inside.
4. I keep catching glimpses of myself in windows and almost not recognising the person I am. I am not thin, but to me I look normal, just like everyone else and it has been a very long time since I felt that way.

When I was last here in January, just prior to my surgery, I was huge. I hated every photo and even untagged myself from this one on my friends page. I got my hubby to take one of me in my new skirt today.

January just prior to surgery

Today in my short skirt

I still have a way to go, I want to lose about another 10 kilos as I don’t really want to be skinny, rather I want to be a healthy weight but with my curves intact.

I would just like to finish off by saying that I am feeling so great! Grateful and happy as always for this life changing decision. xx

 

 

 

 

My brain hasn’t caught up!

Well hello there, it has been a while again but life has been kinda hectic in my world this past few weeks. With my businesses, some other projects and the fact we brought a band here for the last month for a big festival, my life has been full on and I’ve neglected all of my writing.

So, where am I at? I am proud to say that yesterday I weighed in at 84.3 kilos, which is just shy of a 10 kilo loss since surgery, almost 8 weeks ago. Now if I refer back to my old scales which were my benchmark for over 20 years and 2 kilos lighter than these, I am officially my lightest in over 4 years.

My nausea has gone, as have my headaches and my energy levels are high. I only wish I had prioritised exercise, but that will be my next focus. Since I made sure that protein was my king, everything has been much simpler. It is so interesting to me that I can eat rice crackers easily, but give me a piece of cheese or an egg and I am full in no time. I have never been a protein girl, I am much more of a carb queen, but this has been life changing for me. Apart from a bit of garlic bread (which I ate waaaaaaaay too quickly yesterday) followed by two pieces of pizza, again way too fast, I have not had any kind of starchy carbs, which is a record in my world.

So the good bits…..or NSVs as some people say.

1. My finger nails are ridiculously hard. This is without me remembering my vitamins most days, so I can only put it down to protein.
2. I have actually liked how I look in photos of late.
3. I don’t need to tilt my head on a ridiculous angle to get a good photo either, chins have reduced and I am happy with whatever people take for the most part.
4. I’m rapidly reducing my wardrobe, going down sizes quicker than I get a chance to wear anything much. One of my favourite skirts which I had only worn a few times before gaining too much weight fitted beautifully the other day, and last week it became too long and I kept tripping on it. Amazing the difference when the hips and other bits begin to shrink.
5. I have thrown out all of my size 16 clothing. My size 14 clothes are beginning to hang.
6. I actually liked my reflection in a window as I walked past the other day – who was that girl with the slim silhouette? Oh yeah, me!
7. I haven’t done proper calculations but our shopping bills seem to be much smaller than they used to be.
8. My relationship with food has changed – completely. I will write about this in a separate post.
9. I feel confident in whatever I am wearing now. I delivered a workshop last week and felt incredible standing up the front of the room.

I titled this post “my brain hasn’t caught up” as that’s how I feel some days. This process has been so effective and rapid that I’m sometimes surprised by my reflection, photographs or to see my clothes hanging off of me, especially those that I haven’t been able to get on for years. I think it will take time for my brain to register the weight I have lost, and I’d be interested to know if other people had similar experiences.

All in all I’m feeling great and once again so thankful that I loved myself enough to undergo this surgery. I’m heading back to Bali on Monday, the last time I was there was just before my surgery in January and I was very uncomfortable. I’ve been going to Bali very regularly since 2002. This will be the lightest I have EVER been since I started going there.

I’m going back for a month in June too, so I expect I will be at goal or close to it by then which excites me. I have never really done a good shop for clothes there as “I won’t be this size for long”. While I’m not really a shopper, but I suspect this has something to do with the fact that I’ve never been happy with my size, I am looking forward to buying beautiful things for myself knowing I am where I need to be in terms of my health goals. My goal is 75 kilos on these scales. I don’t really want to be any thinner than that, so my goal is in sight for me counting down in single digits for the first time in many years, and I’m absolutely thrilled about that.

Happy days all around here in the land down under – how are things with you?

 

Is weight loss surgery the easy way out?

A lot of people feel that having weight loss surgery is taking the easy way out. I know there are many judgements about those of us who make the decision to have surgery to manage our obesity.

When I decided that surgery was something I needed not only for weight loss, but for my health and longevity, there was a tiny voice inside of my head telling me I was weak, that this was a cop out, and that I was taking the easy way. I chose a small group of people to tell about it and I chose very well as people were overwhelmingly in support of my decision. After all they had seen me battle this demon for 35 years. See my post on diets I’ve tried for a sample of what I tried in the past. Two friends were so genuinely excited for me that it made me feel great. I also decided on a small handful of people NOT to tell as I knew they would judge me and try to talk me out of it. As it turns out, most of those people are no longer in my life as I realised that if I wasn’t comfortable sharing this with them, then what kind of friends were they to me anyway?

So, back to the surgery. It is definitely not the easy way out for a whole handful of reasons.

1. It is major surgery, no matter which option you choose. Banding, VSG or RNY, they are all major procedures.
2. I chose VSG so 75% of my stomach is gone. Forever. Never to return. As an aside a friend asked me on the weekend if it could be reversed, as she has seen me struggle with some stuff in terms of digestion over the past couple of weeks. I can’t explain her face when I told her this was it. I have no regrets, but it really brought home just how permanent this is.
3. For the rest of my life I can no longer engage in the habits I formed and became attached to over my entire lifetime. I can no longer binge or comfort eat in the way I used to and big meals and desserts are a thing of the past.
4. My previous maladaptive coping mechanism has gone and I need to deal with my stuff. We all have stuff and our ways of managing, mine has always been food. I am a food addict. It took me until I was 48 to figure it out and admit it, but it’s the truth. I have never drunk, smoked, gambled or used drugs, so it’s unlikely that I will form an addiction of this nature. Maybe I can become addicted to exercise? 🙂
5. For the rest of my life, eating out, Christmas day, birthdays and everything we do to share food with friends is different. For the rest of my life.

So why did I do it? I’ve written in other posts about this, but briefly, I was tired of being a slave to my addiction. I had fatty liver and fatty pancreas, had already lost my gall bladder, lived with constant pain and I seemed incapable of doing anything to create sustainable change.

I want to live a long, healthy and happy life and I decided it was time to take control of my body and my addiction and needed a tool to provide me with the extra support I need to make it happen.

Addicts are different to people who just need to lose weight. We use food in ways that non addicts can never understand. Only addicts can truly understand addiction.

Last night I was watching an American show called My 600LB Life. It follows morbidly obese people who weigh over 600LB for a year, during the period prior to and while they undergo weight loss surgery. I’m finding it really interesting as the similarities between them and me are not surprising, but fortunately for me I never ended up that big, who knows if I would have, but I am grateful that I didn’t. I’m not religious but the saying “there but for the grace of god go I” comes to mind.

As I was watching it, some friends of ours came over and they just couldn’t get it. In the early part of the show, a woman who weighed 700LBs was eating as she normally does, and they were saying “look, she’s still eating” in absolute shock and horror. They are all visiting here from Africa, where the idea of obesity being a problem and needing surgery to prevent eating is such a foreign concept that I couldn’t really explain it.

I’m only in week 5 post op, so it is early days for me yet. I am not naive enough to think for a minute that I won’t face demons along the way and I have faced a few already, but I now have a tool to provide me with some additional back up and support in times of need. I am incredibly grateful for the opportunity to have had this surgery. I’m very thankful that our medical system makes it relatively easy and we don’t have to undergo all of the waiting, appointments and strain that people in the U.S. do, and from deciding until surgery day was 2 months, only because I was overseas for a month, or it could have been a few weeks. I am having my moments for sure as I figure out what I can and can’t tolerate and I am yet to master the art of mindful eating, no matter how much I know it is the answer, but old habits die hard. Must. Slow. Down.

So, in my opinion weight loss surgery is definitely NOT the easy way out. But it is a way out. Out of addiction, constantly thinking about food, regrets and guilt that continually plagued me, rapid weight gain, health problems and constant pain.

Yes it’s a way out, but only if I choose to make it one.

The rest is still very much up to me.

Things are starting to look up

Well I am in a much better place than I was a few days ago. I ran my course and kicked arse somehow, despite the buzzing headache, dizziness and nausea. Then I seemed to turn a corner. I expected to notice it right away, you know like “look out I am feeling amazing again” but it has been kind of gradual.

I still have waves of nausea and I’ve had my share of nanna naps, but for the most part I am feeling much better.

However it has not been without its moments.

Yesterday I made the HUGE mistake of eating chips for lunch. We were at an Afghan Restaurant and I felt super hungry and nothing on the menu was suitable. I figured they would be fat chips (as the photo indicated) and I could kind of pull them apart and eat the potato. Well no. I also ate them too quickly. For the first time since my sleeve I had to vomit. I went out the back to the grotty toilet and the environment was actually quite helpful in inviting the chips to come up again. I couldn’t eat again for the rest of the day and I ended up having two chocolate biscuits in bed. Why? I have no fucking idea. Still my addiction is a demon I am battling every day. Not hungry, didn’t need them, ate them too quickly (still a lot of work to do on that) and regretted them after.

A similar thing happened today. After my omelette, I again ate two biscuits (thankfully they are gone now, I don’t usually keep them in the house but a friend left them) and felt quite revolting. On my way home from a gig about 5 hours later I got a chocolate ice cream, but stupidly didn’t stop there. In a bid to get my tongue feeling human I ate two packets of lifesavers. No idea why. Well I needed an instant nap and about an hour later, off to the toilet I RAN!! I won’t go into details, but suffice to say I was grateful that my toilet was very close to where I was sitting. So two lessons learnt. Fat and sugar and now no-nos. For this I am thankful!

So, for dinner I just had a piece of cheese. I’m going to do some research for recipes and shop tomorrow for some suitable foods. Clearly I lost it today and yesterday and I want to ensure I am getting adequate nutritional value. I’m thinking Weetbix for breakfast with almond milk (I am finding I am a bit over eggs and they seem to not sit quite right, might have something to do with the fact that I scoff them, but I struggle with eggs at times since my gall bladder removal donkeys years ago) I’m then going to try some different soups for lunch, I had a lovely carrot and sweet potato home made style one last week, and I am thinking of some kind of fish and mashed potato for dinner. I haven’t been putting the time and effort into my meals that I need and deserve due to feeling like shit in the first instance, and too busy or tired in the second. That stops tomorrow.

The scales are looking great too, I will report back when I weigh tomorrow, but it’s looking like I am under 87 for the first time in many years.

 

Looooong time

In Ghana where my husband is from and where I lived a year, if you haven’t seen anyone in even a few days they say “looooong time”. It has been a while since I posted, especially compared to the frequency of my earlier posts.

Heads up, this post has a few whinges in it, actually a lot of whinges.

I have to be honest I have had a rough week and a half. I will break it down.

The headaches: Crippling, nauseating headaches that make me feel waves of nausea, and seem to be nauseous in the back of my head too, really can’t explain it.

The nausea: No nausea for the first two weeks and now with too much regularity for my liking.

The fatigue: Sometimes after eating, sometimes for no apparent reason.

The dizziness: Comes in waves.

Eating: I seem to forget that I have a sleeve and gulp, don’t chew enough and eat too quickly. EVERY SINGLE TIME!!!

So what’s it all about? After a whole lot of asking Dr Google and reading everything I can find, I decided it is most likely blood sugar related. I am drinking plenty of water and peeing almost clear, so it’s not that, but I am a recovering sugar addict and my body is likely in shock. I have eaten a ton of stuff I probably shouldn’t this week out of desperation and I am feeling slightly better. However I have to deliver some training over the next two days, and the idea of being Miss Perky Upbeat in front of a large group talking about suicide and psychosis is not as enticing as usual. I just hope I can do it. When the waves of nausea and fatigue come, I just need to lie down.

I also read today that stomach acid can cause problems so I started taking the antacid Pariet that the doctor gave me on discharge that I didn’t feel I needed before, just to see.

I also noticed that my symptoms really began after I started eating, I didn’t have any at all when on protein shakes….interesting. I will most likely have a shake in the morning as no matter what I eat for breakfast this week it sends me back to bed and I can’t do that tomorrow.

Oh and the scales, they went from 86.9 the other day, creeping each day up to the last few mornings at 87.7. I don’t mind, I am not obsessing over it, I certainly have never eaten enough to gain, on the days I was trying everything I think I went as high as 1100 calories, not enough to gain even 100 grams, so I know it will all sort out in time.

I only wish I could get my shit together enough to exercise, I really feel the need and desire to but my body has other ideas. Patience, patience!

Do I regret the surgery? No way! I am just hopeful that things will sort themselves out once my tummy and I get to know each other better. I think I will buy myself a beautiful plate and bowl as a reminder of the need to slow down, as the gulping is almost killing me.

Some nice things – on Friday night we had a gig here and lots of friends noticed my weight loss, one even said I shouldn’t lose too much more. I was looking at what to wear tomorrow and found a lovely pair of 3/4 pants I haven’t worn in forever and they not only fit, but they are loose! Woohoo! I am feeling confident in my clothing and haven’t been this weight in almost 3 years. I have gotten rid of about 5 pairs of pants and wore a few dresses I haven’t worn in years this past week. The difference a few kilos makes in terms of my face is really nice too, I compared some old photos today and I just couldn’t believe it.

My gorgeous hubby said that at that time in 2014 he was really worried about me as he could see that I wasn’t healthy or happy and he didn’t want to upset me or hurt my feelings, and now looking back at this photo I can really see why!

Left with my girlfriends hubby May 2014, I was over 95 kilos and miserable this whole week, and I absolutely hated every single photo that was taken. On the right was last night with friends and yes that’s a chocolate ice cream I’m eating. I’m so happy with the  difference the weight loss has made in my face already. 

So, all in all a few hiccups but I am confident all will be great very soon. I am back to my second home Bali in a few weeks. When we were there last month I was at my heaviest and when I go back next month I will be at my lightest in a very long time. When I go again in June, I hope to be close to my goal weight. Whenever I go there (I go a lot) I rarely buy many clothes as “I’m not going to be this size for long”, so I am looking forward to a shopping trip where I am able to buy the notorious one size fits all, and the beautiful dresses and pants I can never fit into.

If any of you had similar issues around the four week mark, I would LOVE to hear from you!

Cruising along nicely…

What a week it was! Lots going on in my life, some great, some not so great. All of these are unrelated to my sleeve. However as my hubby so wisely pointed out, in the midst of a whole shitstorm when I was handling it better than expected, my current state of physical and mental health have certainly helped me to take it all in my stride. I agree. With what I have had to put up with (I won’t go into it) I probably would have fallen in a giant heap if not for feeling so damn good.

I went to see my doctor last Tuesday for my post-op checkup and he was happy with my progress and on his scales I had lost just over 5 kilos since surgery. As of this morning I weigh 87.8 which means an overall loss of 6.3 kilos, in not even 3 weeks. I am stoked. I haven’t started exercising yet, but I will shortly. I also realised that for the first time in years I am pain free. Let me say that again PAIN FREE! I have had horrendous joint, foot, knee and hip pain forever and some days I could barely walk by days end, but not any more. Not sure if it is because of the weight loss, the lack of sugar, crap and gluten or what, but I am loving it. I am ready to start exercising regularly now.

I moved from liquids to pureed food last Tuesday and I have to admit it was nice to actually eat again. I have been typically having a scrambled egg for breakfast, some soup for lunch and pureed chicken with mashed potato for dinner. I have had some other yummy things in between, but that is pretty much my staple. Tonight I am going to have some lasagne. I know my protein intake is too low, so I need to focus on that next.

In terms of hunger, I definitely feel it, real growling hunger sometimes in fact, but it seems to be easily satisfied. One big change that has happened is that it appears that I can’t tolerate lactose. I am not a big milk drinker anyway, but yoghurt and certain soups just don’t want to stay around for long and move quickly through me. I wouldn’t mind too much, but I was looking forward to some cheese in the future, I will just see what happens.

Not much else to report today. Just to say that I am so very happy right now and am looking forward excitedly to what the future holds.

So fucking happy I could shit rainbows!

I don’t even know where to start to be honest. Things are so much better than I could ever have imagined, that I am just bursting with happiness.

I’ve had an incredible recovery with none of the issues that I read are common, none.

The metal tongue feeling has dissipated significantly, almost gone now.

I have lost weight. Yay!

Today I wore a t-shirt that I bought just before Christmas but almost returned as it was just too tight in my upper stomach and back, it was loose and looked so good! Already! I had a tummy tuck and fortunately despite gaining 10 kilos since it was done, my lower stomach remained flat as a board, but I had a large overhang at the top, this is melting and fast. I am doing a happy dance.

The best thing of all though is that I am so full of energy it’s unbelievable. I am only 9 days post-op! Whaaaaaaaat????? I have not felt this physically well in years. No joint or body pain and I feel like I could burst out of my skin. I am sleeping less than I’ve ever slept and tonight I went for a 25 minute walk. It’s a long time since I felt like walking and the last time I did my joint pain was horrible.

My mind is clear, my creativity is flowing and I’m enjoying it so much. I was wondering today whether the energy I’m not wasting on thinking about food, eating food and feeling guilty about the food I ate has freed up my mind somehow. It’s like my mind has space. I have not eaten food in 9 days!! Remember I failed at the pre-op diet of shakes and 1 meal a day. Completely failed. I was eating KFC and McDonalds when I should have been doing pre-op. I ate until the night before surgery. Now this all might change when I begin to eat again. I am being realistic about potentially being in a honeymoon phase, but for now I am completely embracing every single minute of this incredible feeling and loving it. I feel like my body is thanking me over and over again.

One thing I am sick of is the sweet taste of the protein shakes, so I decided to try something different today. I am a sugar addict, so this is something I have never experienced in my life, not even for a second.

I bought the Protein Smoothie version

This Hut 30 protein powder is really good and is made from goodies such as chia seeds, flax seeds and coconut. I put the recommended serving in a blender with half a banana, some blackberries, some mango coconut water, ice and cold water. It was really good. So much cleaner to drink than the plastic ones I’ve been having. They tend to leave a milky film on my tongue and are so fake to my new taste buds. I have a desire to eat clean now (again, who am I?) and this fits the bill much better than the alternatives. I am looking forward to finding different ways to use it in tasty natural smoothies.

So all in all, I am one very happy girl tonight. I am so excited about my future and the future of my health, both physically and mentally. I am excited to meet this new body of mine and I am so thankful that I loved myself enough to make the decision to have this life changing surgery.

 

 

 

Da do run run and a metal tongue

I’m not usually one to discuss my toilet habits, I will tell you almost everything else about me, just not that. However as I’m sharing my whole experience, I will discuss them today. I have the runs. Big time. I had them yesterday. It would seem to me that every single thing that goes in my mouth, comes straight out in liquid form. I have seen it mentioned that we can expect changes and I expected constipation to be honest as I have had that most of my life, but this is something else. Ok that’s enough.

I also have a strange taste on my tongue and have since just after surgery. It is the same taste I used to get when I tried following very low calorie diets in the past and I assume it will pass as my body adjusts to the ketosis. Tongue scraping, cleaning and endless water doesn’t help. I haven’t tried chewing gum and might do that next.

I’m still slightly dizzy, it’s definitely not dehydration as my fluid intake is well over 2 litres a day, so I am assuming it is my body adjusting from having a bajillion calories a day to play with and suddenly being asked to function on about 500. I am just taking it easy, working online and doing writing with no plans or need to do any kind work for some time yet. Ah the beauty and blessings of self employment!

The fantasmagorical news for me today is that this morning the scales show me at 89.7. I looked back through My Fitness Pal and I am officially the lightest I have been since March 2014. Yep. Happy days. I have gone up and and up and down a thousand times since then, but never got this low.

Woohoooo!!!

So all in all, everything is pretty damn great in my world right now. I still find it hard to believe that this time last week I was just coming out of theatre. The body’s ability to heal is truly a remarkable thing.

See you again soon with my next update! 🙂